Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
