It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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