My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You are a genius and a whore.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
