You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
