im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
