I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
