you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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