During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
