just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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