I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
you made out with another girl for some wings
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
