There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
