o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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