You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
