Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He did a backflip because drugs
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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