she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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