Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
