I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
