I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
id be glad to
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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