babies were throwing up all over the place
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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