atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
