Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I intend to get homeless drunk
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
