She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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