my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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