I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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