we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
