She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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