That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
