My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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