I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
