Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
