She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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