Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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