she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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