i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
