I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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