Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I will pee on everything he values.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
