Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
