so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
