I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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