This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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