remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
