hotel room ftw
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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