omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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