I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
