i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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