You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
