She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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