hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
