new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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