Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
