hotel room ftw
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
