your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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