Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
